Reading about Kate Manne’s reflections in Unshrinking hit close to home. Her insights on fatphobia and the societal pressures surrounding weight resonated deeply with my own experiences. At 67, I’ve lived through decades of navigating a world where my size felt like a defining factor—a source of both internal battles and external judgment.
I’ve struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember. Deprived of food as a child – no potatoes for Denise, so I bought sweets instead.
Food has been my comfort, my refuge during tough times. I used to eat my feelings, still do.
Following the pattern of many, about 14 years ago my biggest success was to drop from over 22 stone to just under 12. I was doing a lot of weights and looked tiny. But to stay there I had to keep up the activity, and the way of eating. Slowly the weight came back – never more than 4 stone but I was back on the staircase of ups and downs.
Since the summer I’ve lost 30 pounds, back into size (UK) 16 and looking average, but for the past 3 weeks the scales remain the same. Not helped by an accident that has made me cut back on activity.
Weight loss, especially as we age, is hard.
It requires not just discipline but a delicate balance of physical and emotional health. Accidents, like my recent fall, make it even harder. They rob me of the high levels of exercise I rely on, leaving me feeling disappointed and, at times, defeated.
What struck me most about Manne’s story was her decision to stop fighting her body and, instead, fight against the societal structures that stigmatise fatness. It made me think about how aiming to lose weight can sometimes feel like the most important goal in life—a relentless focus that overshadows other joys and achievements. I’ve been guilty of this, equating weight loss with worth, even as I recognise how harmful this mindset can be.
I’ve also experienced the complexity of eating beyond hunger. It’s not always about nourishment; often, it’s about filling emotional voids or finding a sense of control. I’ve worked to understand these patterns, but undoing decades of ingrained habits isn’t easy.
Manne’s call to reframe the narrative—to stop seeing weight as a personal failure and start challenging the systems that perpetuate fatphobia—feels both liberating and daunting. It’s a reminder that my body is not the enemy.
Yes, I want to feel healthy and strong, but I also want to embrace my life beyond the scale.
For me, the key takeaway from Unshrinking is the importance of compassion—toward myself and others. It’s about recognising that health is multifaceted and deeply personal, not just a number on the scale or a reflection in the mirror. At 67, I’m still learning, still growing, and still trying to find peace with my body.
Today I am 67 and ¼ – I want to focus on health, not weight. Letting go of expectations along with maybe a few more pounds and to embrace a fuller life in every sense of the word.
And the photo – that was me in 2009, I was around 16 stone, but hid it well in photos, 90% were removed.
