I’ve been working with The Oddfellows friendly society to promote Friendship Month. This is a way of raising awareness of the organisation and to promote the benefits of making new friends.

Oddfellows commissioned a survey of 2,000 over 55s in the UK and looked into the social relationships of older adults. The results included that 46 per cent haven’t made a new significant friend in the last five years, and a further 46 per cent admitting they have lost touch with some.

The importance of friendship in later life

Research shows that having friends is good for our emotional and physical health. – friends can help us when we’re down, encourage us to learn new things, and keep us on track to meet our goals.

Our social relationships and friendships are the number one factor for happiness and mental well-being, far more so than money.

Strong relationships help to guard against depression and reduces stress; those with close friends are nearly a third less likely to suffer heart disease or strokes and friendships can even help reduce physical pain too. It’s less about the number of people and more about the strength of relationships.

Friendships are important and we can lose friends as we get older. This can be due to death, marriage/ divorce, a move of home, health difficulties, retirement or the loss of job, and other life events.

The survey found that almost half of Brits aged over 55 (46 per cent) haven’t made a new significant friend in the last five years, with a further 46 per cent admitting they have lost touch with some.

“To learn that almost half of over 55s haven’t made a new significant friend in the last five years may seem quite shocking at first, but it is also very understandable. My advice is to take stock of your friendship network at regular stages in life, look at your social health, and identify what needs to change to ensure you feel fulfilled and supported by those around you.

The friendship MOT

Its worth taking some time to review your friendship circle. Could it be strengthened, is there room for more friends, and do you have people to meet the 5 categories below? The friendship MOT involves taking some time for self-reflectionand to think about the friends you have, what they give you, and how they make you feel. And if you identify anything that’s missing such as someone to confide in or someone to bring you joy, then you can take steps to fill those needs.

You might also identify friends that have a negative effect on your positive energy. You could consider letting these go or reduce the time you spend with them.

I had great fun creating this Friendship MOT. It’s simple, yet effective. Five questions with ideas on how to improve social wellbeing. You can access it here
http://www.friendshipmonth.com

When looking for a new friend its helpful to think of these different categories, rarely can one person cover all of them. Do you have people in your life to cover these areas:

1. Shared interests: Hobbies are a fantastic way to keep you motivated, and sharing them with a friend makes it much more enjoyable. If you don’t have someone to do the things you enjoy with, perhaps now is the time to find someone to share your passions with.

2. Emotional support: A problem shared is a problem halved. Do you have a confidante in your social circle you can reach out to? It’s not uncommon to find that friendships decline as we age, often due to changes in circumstances and lifestyle. The good news is, it’s never too late to expand your social circle and develop new, valuable friendships.

3. Joy in friendship: Whether it’s a casual acquaintance or a life-long friend, one friendship we should all have is one that simply brings joy. If you’ve identified that there’s room for more friends, then take action. There are plenty of groups you can connect with, or, if that feels a little daunting, perhaps you could start by simply smiling at someone in the street. Even the smallest connections can bring joy.

4. Sense of purpose: We are sociable beings and being socially connected is crucial to our health and wellbeing. We need to feel like we matter. As we get older and our life goes through transitions, we can often feel like the connections we used to have are no longer there. Perhaps now is the time to put some effort in reigniting friendships or finding new ones?

5. Diversity: There’s a lot to be said about making new friends. Not only do they reinvigorate you, they also present new opportunities and perspectives. Whether you haven’t had time to make new friends, or you don’t know where to start, you won’t regret putting some effort into finding new friends.

I was on 18 different radio shows discussing this research and the friendship MOT and I was asked questions such as

How many friends should we have?

It’s not about the volume of friends you have. Quality is more important than quantity.  What really matters is that you’re getting a healthy supply of joy, support, companionship, recognition and encouragement to stay socially well. If you’re not, then it might be time to open up to new situations and potential friends. Sadly 9 per cent of those surveyed claimed not to have any current friendships.

Where do older people make friends?

Of those surveyed who had made new friendships in the past five years, 24 per cent had met them through friends and family and 17 per cent had met in pubs, bars and cafes.

The study also showed that of those who had not made any new companions recently, or claimed not to have any significant friendships, 39 per cent felt they didn’t need to make new ones and 13 per cent admitted they have not had the opportunity to make new friends.

If you’re looking for some regular, friendly company, but are at a loss about where to start, seek out a local community or friendship group like Oddfellows who can introduce you to a wide range of new people. You’ll find that lots of people will have been in a similar situation and will be very understanding and welcoming.

Even if you believe you have the perfect friendship set-up, or you don’t think you need any new ones, we always encourage people to stay open to welcoming a new friend into their life. New friendships can reinvigorate you and present new opportunities and perspectives that can be uplifting and motivational.

Do I need more friends?

Even if you believe you have the perfect friendship set-up, or you don’t think you need any new ones, we always encourage people to stay open to welcoming a new friend into their life. New friendships can reinvigorate you and present new opportunities and perspectives that can be uplifting and motivational.

Top tips for making friends

• Smile and say hello: to the people you pass and notice in your day to day life such as at a bus stop or out walking.
• Put yourself out there, talk to people at a cafe, in a supermarket queue, changing rooms and specific clubs and groups such as the Oddfellows
• Listen – be a good listener, don’t just wait to speak!
• Get involved – volunteering is a great way to meet people.
• Look to connect with people of different ages and backgrounds -we can learn so much from people who are different to us.